all things considered

i'm not saying a negative outlook is preferable, but dangit, there are sometimes when you just need to process things and a positive outlook just ain't gonna happen.

and of course, the author has put it into far better words than i. the article can be found here

A POSITIVE OUTLOOK IS OVERRATED

All Things Considered, October 22, 2007 · Many Americans insist that everyone have a positive attitude, even when the going gets rough. From the self-help bookshelves to the Complaint-Free World Movement, the power of positive thinking is touted now more than ever as the way to be happy, healthy, wealthy and wise.

The problem is that this demand for good cheer brings with it a one-two punch for those of us who cannot cope in that way: First you feel bad about whatever's getting you down, then you feel guilty or defective if you can't smile and look on the bright side. And I'm not even sure there always is a bright side to look on.

I believe that there is no one right way to cope with all of the pain of living. As an academic psychologist, I know that people have different temperaments, and if we are prevented from coping in our own way, be it "positive" or "negative," we function less well.

As a psychotherapist, I know that sometimes a lot of what people need when faced with adversity is permission to feel crummy for a while, to realize that feeling bad is not automatically the same as being mentally ill. Some of my one-session "cures" have come from reminding people that life can be difficult, and it's OK if we're not happy all of the time.

This last point first became apparent to me in 1986. I came down with the flu accompanied by searing headaches that lasted for weeks afterward. Eventually a neurologist told me that a strain of flu that winter had left many people with viral meningitis. He reassured me that I would make a full recovery, but I was left traumatized by the weeks of undiagnosed pain. I really thought I had a brain tumor or schizophrenia. Being a psychologist didn't help; I was an emotional wreck.

Fortunately it happened that my next-door neighbor was a brilliant psychiatrist, Aldo Llorente from Cuba. I asked him, "Aldo, am I a schizophrenic?"

"Professor," he pronounced, "you are a mess, but you are not a mentally ill mess. You are just terrified."

I told Aldo that two of my friends insisted that I cheer up. I tried to be cheerful for a week, but that only increased my distress. Aldo told me, "You say to them: 'Friends, I would like to be more cheerful, but right now I am too terrified to be cheerful. So I will let you know when I am not terrified anymore.'"

The moment I delivered Aldo's message, I felt better. Aldo had made it OK for me to cope in my own way, to recover at my own pace, to be my own mess of a self. That is when I began to realize that I had been tyrannized by the idea that everyone must always have a positive attitude.

Having flourished in my own authentically kvetchy way, I believe that we would be better off if we let everyone be themselves — positive, negative or even somewhere in-between.

daddy's girl

From SFGate's Daily Dish :

Spelling Expecting Boy

Former "Beverly Hills, 90210" star Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott are expecting a baby boy next year.

Spelling, 33, and McDermott, 39, have been married since May. McDermott has a son Jack, 8, from a previous marriage.

She tells People magazine, "We are thrilled to be having a son together. Little boys are a ton of fun. We love talking to him. We play tunes for him and watch him kick.

"He already loves the Dixie Chicks! We went to their concert and he kicked the whole time."

McDermott adds, "Now Jack will have the baby brother he's been waiting for."

Spelling has previously said that if she has a boy he will be given the middle name Aaron after her late father, legendary TV producer Aaron Spelling, who died in June.

They are still deciding on a first name.

She adds, "Yes, his middle name will be Aaron. Dean and I feel it's the perfect way to honor the memory of my father."

What Ms. Spelling meant to say was: "Mebbe if I give my son Daddy's name I'll get a percentage of his estate that I was cheated out of!"

the usual

It's funny because it's TRUE!
If you've been to a DMB concert, you know these folks well.
I just can't figure out which one I am...I guess 'girlfriends' is most accurate if I had to choose one.

*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*

Mix and Match Dave Matthews Fans
By Nick Margiasso
Tampa Bay Times

It's that time of the year again. Time to wear brightly colored swimming trunks, sip frozen drinks in 98-degree heat and see the Dave Matthews Band on the its summer tour. Sure Dave will be there, but it's the folks that make up the audience that really give the show its color. You know them well, but here's an introduction anyway.

Hippie Lite: The watered-down version of their hemp-clad, grilled cheese peddling, dreadlocked Caucasian contemporary. The woman shaves her armpits (a sin, I know), while the man is no more likely to be wearing self-knit patchwork pants than he is able to recite a classic Grateful Dead set list. They got here in a Volkswagen Golf, not a vintage VW bus, and enjoy a tofu wrap and soy milk latte over a trunk-grilled pizza and mushroom tea any day. They regularly wash, use the word "dank" to qualify anything pleasing and have bank accounts (stocked by parents) - tisk, tisk. They never really "got" Phish, the main bridge separating them from their musty contemporaries.

Frat Boys: Will beat the daylights out of that kid if he twirls into him one more time. Drank a sixer before getting here, and plans to at least double that by show's end thanks to cash won from his weekly poker night. Dress code followed to a tee by all: polo shirt (flipped up collar optional), cargo shorts, tribal band/Japanese lettering tattoo, unkempt hair (backward hat optional), all white sneakers and a shell necklace. Drove up in a custom truck in which he plans to peel out in after the show, screaming "wooo" all the while. Dave is his way to channel a sensitive side to girls or to drunkenly bond with his bros. His favorite song is No. 41 , which he's trying to learn how to play on guitar to get chicks. Seriously, dude, it's an awesome idea.

Cool Parents: Dad sports a random bar T-shirt, while Mom wears her favorite sundress. Started singing along with the Crash album as soon as they said goodbye to the babysitter until pulling into the parking lot, bumping the Honda Accord speakers to the limit. They might have a Bud and a plastic cup of zinfandel, respectively, during the show, but are over most vices these days. They just closed on their house, so money's tight, but might swing an item or two at the merchandise table anyway (DMB bumper sticker, eh). Got into Dave back in '94 just before they met at UF. Friends call Dave the "soundtrack of your lives," a little inside joke they enjoy.

Yuppies: Flew over here right from the office, hence the cuffed DKNY dress shirt and polished Diesel kicks/Nine West pumps. Luckily, they brought a pair of prefaded Banana Republic jeans to change into in the parking lot. Only rum and Coke for them at the show, for which they scammed tickets from a sales rep at work. They love it when Dave gets played on the radio in their cubicle, but really enjoy going out to some bar afterward where they'll see that guitarist who always covers Satellite.

Girlfriends: Sporting cute Gap outfits they hope don't get dirty on the grass; these ladies (usually in threes) always will be friends because of nights like this. Sure, one works in an office while the "crazy" artsy one leaves her silly messages on the way to pick up the hometown girl that never strayed far, but they'll all be at the show tonight just like every summer. While they may lead different lives, their Dave, who's always playing on their stereos, only heightens the bond they share. What are the chances they'll meet a sensitive guy that understands them tonight? Cross your fingers.

College kids: Between sharing rides to Publix with the roommate that has the car, downloading files on Limewire and cramming for midterms they barely had time to shave some cash off the parents and financial aid to score tickets to this thing. There will be no beer drinking or hot dog eating at the show, though, as the ticket and gas money costs left only enough cash for three Five Star pizzas and a jug of Check cola for the week. They have been downloading all Dave's stuff since freshman year, even distributing bootleg copies of Stand Up around the dorm a month before it hit shelves.

Cellular Fans: They're so overwhelmed that Dave is playing their song. Time to call somebody and hold the phone up in the air so it can be heard on the other end of the line. It's too bad Dawn or Tim couldn't come, but this is just like being there. Any aforementioned fan types are applicable to this crowd.