finding peace

my aunt died last night, one of my dad's older sisters. she suffered a massive heart attack while on vacation.

we weren't close, and in fact, i can't remember the last time i saw her. probably christmas several years ago. she was a sweet, kind woman who got the short end of the stick much of her life. when my father's mother died before he hit double-digits, she helped raise him and the rest of the then-5 siblings.

i am sorry for my father's suffering, and the suffering for his siblings, and the suffering of my cousins. the elder of my aunt's daughters lost her own daughter not quite 2 years ago. i can't imagine what she is going through right now.

my aunt's first husband died some 24+ years ago. i had almost completely forgotten about him, until my mom casually mentioned that he, too, died while on vacation in mexico.

i suddenly remembered when luis died, being at my grandfather's house, them watching me while my parents were out-of-town or otherwise occupied. luis' younger daughter and i were very close for many years, and for a long time i considered her my best friend. she and her family lived around the corner from my grandparents, and she'd always come over when i was in the area. we never went to her house, because her father might be home. and if we did happen to stop by, i had to wait outside, and be very, very quiet. i didn't realize, or didn't know, until many years later what the situation was, only that i got a bad feeling when i thought about going over there and was downright scared of luis.

luis was a horribly violent alcoholic. absolutely vicious. abusive. dangerous.

my babysitter (my father's stepmother's niece [got that?]) told me that luis had died, and i'd better be sad, because my cousins lost their father. i can't remember how old i was, certainly no more than 7 or 8, but all i remember thinking was, why should i feel sad? he can't hurt my aunt and cousins anymore. i dared not say anything to my babysitter, but i remember feeling conflicted about what i was being told to feel and what i was actually feeling.

i didn't remember any of this until this morning.

her body was flown back from mexico tonight (the speed of this is surprising to me) and the services will likely be monday.

i'm not sure exactly how to support my father during this. i suppose just listening and making an effort to call him is the best for now.